From Mary W: The Cost of War

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From Mary W: The Cost of War

Steve, thank you for sending me the story about your journey with your Dad. Talking with my brother about this, we agreed that our Dad was exceptionally secret about his war experience too. His pathology wasn't as obvious as your Dad's, but it was there. He had been chief petty officer on a warship in the Pacific and saw the battleship positioned next to his go up in flames from a Japanese kamikaze attack. But what else did he see and experience? I don't know.

My impression was that being in control and having things his way was extremely important and the thought of something else was very threatening to him. My mother told me that when the war ended and the men came home, the government propaganda was: Don't make your husbands do anything - serve them for what they'd done for their country, etc. It was obvious to me that that was what led to his imperiousness and judgemental attitude. Growing up I wondered many times about his war experience but he'd never talk about it, and only in his last years was the subject broached. But not in depth or with any objectivity.

The good bit was that his pretense lended itself to some degree of family 'harmony', but the toll it took on him, not being able to talk about how he felt - well, we cannot know that. He was a man of his generation, as we are of ours. I, for one, am glad that some men now are beginning to be able to speak of their fears and perceived vulnerabilities. My own feeling about the past, growing up in the 50's, now looks like a lid on a steaming pot, not an open faced sandwich. Yes, in our family there was a degree of peace for awhile, but my youngest brother was the recipient of the pathologies which were emerging from all that was pent up in my father.

He has passed on now - and I hope he is experiencing some peace in his soul.

Print | posted on Tuesday, July 31, 2007 12:17 AM

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Stephen Singular, is a two-time “New York Times” bestselling author whose articles have appeared in New York Magazine, Psychology Today, Inside Sports, The New York Times Magazine, Rolling Stone, and American Photo. From 1983 to 1987, he was a staff writer at The Denver Post and his first book, Talked To Death: The Life & Murder of Alan Berg (1987), was nominated for an Edgar Award and became the basis for the 1989 Oliver Stone film, “Talk Radio.” Since then, he’s published 18 more non-fiction books about high-profile crimes, social criticism, and business and sports biographies. Several of the books have been made into feature films and television movies. He’s also helped numerous published authors complete their works. He’s appeared on CNN’s Larry King Live, Anderson Cooper 360, FOX-TV, MSNBC, COURT-TV, ESPN, and many other media outlets. Stephen and Joyce were recently interviewed by the program "Deadly Women" featured on Discovery Investigation Channel for the books"Sweet Evil" and "Charmed to Death." The series will air in late 2010. Singular has 20 years of experience writing books and speaking in public about some of the major crime stories of our era. These include the neo-Nazi murder of talk show host Alan Berg, the OJ Simpson case, the JonBenet Ramsey case, and other high profile criminal investigations. He is available to lecture on the impact of these cases on social issues, contemporary journalism, and the criminal justice system. Please e-mail for further information.

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