From Mary W: The Cost of War

Steve, thank you for sending me the story about your journey with your Dad.  Talking with my brother about this, we agreed that our Dad was exceptionally secret about his war experience too.  His pathology wasn't as obvious as your Dad's, but it was there. He had been chief petty officer on a warship in the Pacific and saw the battleship positioned next to his go up in flames from a Japanese kamikaze attack.  But what else did he see and experience?  I don't know.

My impression was that being in control and having things his way was extremely important and the thought of something else was very threatening to him.  My mother told me that when the war ended and the men came home, the government propaganda was: Don't make your husbands do anything - serve them for what they'd done for their country, etc.  It was obvious to me that that was what led to his imperiousness and judgemental attitude. Growing up I wondered many times about his war experience but he'd never talk about it, and only in his last years was the subject broached.  But not in depth or with any objectivity.

The good bit was that his pretense lended itself to some degree of family 'harmony', but the toll it took on him, not being able to talk about how he felt - well, we cannot know that.  He was a man of his generation, as we are of ours.  I, for one, am glad that some men now are beginning to be able to speak of their fears and perceived vulnerabilities.  My own feeling about the past, growing up in the 50's, now looks like a lid on a steaming pot, not an open faced sandwich. Yes, in our family there was a degree of peace for awhile, but my youngest brother was the recipient of the pathologies which were emerging from all that was pent up in my father.

He has passed on now - and I hope he is experiencing some peace in his soul. 

Print | posted on Tuesday, July 31, 2007 12:17 AM

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